It's All About Me
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Time Is Money...Time is money. And I got no budget for b*Shyt. Color me “not convinced”, just a shade shy of “not impressed”…I think I figured it out Bloop…the thrill of the conquering…once the chase has been done, the taming has been perfected, then and only then does it get mundane and not fun. That’s why a relationship sucks, because it enables a rut, a predictable rhythm, whereas the chase has no predictability other than that it will ensue. The challenge lies in being challenged. If the west is won, then what need is there for a subsequent battle? None, since one side has surrendered. *sigh*….
At least that is what I have learned as of late. I have purchased a book called "catch him and keep him"....some isshhh y'all... teaching women how to think like a man, and how to out think the man.
Is it worth it? The whole psychology of it all...I dunno..
Tonight...I could care less. Games take so much effort. You must first learn the rules...NO, first you need to know the game you are playing in order to figure out the next step.
Usually I can do things, and learn as I go, and pick up a game, or whatever as it happens just by getting into it, like jump rope you learn the rhythm and jump in.
I am fucking tired. Tired of games. Tired of rules. Tired of twisting my mind to work in unfamiliar ways.
Why a female gotta speak through her pussy in order to keep a man's interest in a conversation. You know the tone of voice I mean. The purrrrrrring slurpy syrupy sweet honey drip off the phone that makes a dick hard and a pussy wet just by the sound...It twists and winds around your body like a cat weaving around your legs, brushing against you in a figure eight pattern...and the giggle, eyelash batting and hair tossing.. ugh. Yeah I confess...guilty as charged ..occassionally.... But now it seems like a medication I can't choke down. Ugh. The fakeness oozes from that ishhh...
Granted, the right dude can bring it out ..the whole cat-in-heat attitude- ...but as I said earlier, the lack of chase after a while has become *yawn* so disinteresting...on both parts.
Choco and I are both half assing it at this point. He because he knows I caught feelings....Me, Im half assing because I see him half assing, and I refuse to make more work for myself. In onf of Royce's posts, a quote caught my eye, " I refuse to make a man a priority when he only sees me as an option" Or something along those lines.... and at this point, I know Choco sees me as an option.
No, we havent ever had a talk about relationship statuses, two fold; I dont want him to freak the hell out and think Im putting speed and boundaries, and also because I dont want to restrict my own options. I know that sounds heartless, causal and shallow, cuz I really am wide open for choco...really...but, I feel I need him all in or all out at this point. Half assing aint fun, nor is it sexy. It is exhausting. I worry if he is double dipping. I even know he is up on BlackPlanet, and has been Im'ing other chicks....to what extent that goes, I dont know. We spend a lot of time on the phone together, and we both have the same schedule so I know he has extremely limited free time. He rarely clubs it, and spends a lot of time with his kids too...so he really has a small margin of fucking around time, and most of that is usually spent with me ...so.
But.
He has yet to take me to his house. I dont even have his address y'all... His reason is that he moved into mom's house when he left his babymomma, and him and his brother are there while they get their degrees. It is a arrangement that they take care of mom's house cuz she is in out of the country, spends half her time in Fla.
His excuse is his brother will tell his momma he had a girl in the house, and his momma will KILL him dead. She is Jamaiacan and dont play when it comes to that isshh. Also, she apparently hates white people, but Choco said Im safe cuz Im Latin...whatever..
So. This bothers me to no end. My girls are waiting for the thumbs up to follow his ass home and see what the damn deal really is, but I dont like that lowdown type of ishh, thats too much work to verify if dude is giving me the real deal, I think I should be able to trust or cut loose.
So, back to my point. Time is money, and my bullshit budget was blown by BD. I got no time for it, and I think its starting to creep through in my dealings with Choco. He been getting too much of my attitude for both of us, but he does act shady which puts my guard up. Once my gurad is up my mouth opens and then the shit starts to fly out...I can cut a muthahuffa with my tongue...not exactly a talent, but...I am who I am. I still need refinement. Ima put that into the budget LOL.
