It's All About Me
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Time Is Money...Time is money. And I got no budget for b*Shyt. Color me “not convinced”, just a shade shy of “not impressed”…I think I figured it out Bloop…the thrill of the conquering…once the chase has been done, the taming has been perfected, then and only then does it get mundane and not fun. That’s why a relationship sucks, because it enables a rut, a predictable rhythm, whereas the chase has no predictability other than that it will ensue. The challenge lies in being challenged. If the west is won, then what need is there for a subsequent battle? None, since one side has surrendered. *sigh*….
At least that is what I have learned as of late. I have purchased a book called "catch him and keep him"....some isshhh y'all... teaching women how to think like a man, and how to out think the man.
Is it worth it? The whole psychology of it all...I dunno..
Tonight...I could care less. Games take so much effort. You must first learn the rules...NO, first you need to know the game you are playing in order to figure out the next step.
Usually I can do things, and learn as I go, and pick up a game, or whatever as it happens just by getting into it, like jump rope you learn the rhythm and jump in.
I am fucking tired. Tired of games. Tired of rules. Tired of twisting my mind to work in unfamiliar ways.
Why a female gotta speak through her pussy in order to keep a man's interest in a conversation. You know the tone of voice I mean. The purrrrrrring slurpy syrupy sweet honey drip off the phone that makes a dick hard and a pussy wet just by the sound...It twists and winds around your body like a cat weaving around your legs, brushing against you in a figure eight pattern...and the giggle, eyelash batting and hair tossing.. ugh. Yeah I confess...guilty as charged ..occassionally.... But now it seems like a medication I can't choke down. Ugh. The fakeness oozes from that ishhh...
Granted, the right dude can bring it out ..the whole cat-in-heat attitude- ...but as I said earlier, the lack of chase after a while has become *yawn* so disinteresting...on both parts.
Choco and I are both half assing it at this point. He because he knows I caught feelings....Me, Im half assing because I see him half assing, and I refuse to make more work for myself. In onf of Royce's posts, a quote caught my eye, " I refuse to make a man a priority when he only sees me as an option" Or something along those lines.... and at this point, I know Choco sees me as an option.
No, we havent ever had a talk about relationship statuses, two fold; I dont want him to freak the hell out and think Im putting speed and boundaries, and also because I dont want to restrict my own options. I know that sounds heartless, causal and shallow, cuz I really am wide open for choco...really...but, I feel I need him all in or all out at this point. Half assing aint fun, nor is it sexy. It is exhausting. I worry if he is double dipping. I even know he is up on BlackPlanet, and has been Im'ing other chicks....to what extent that goes, I dont know. We spend a lot of time on the phone together, and we both have the same schedule so I know he has extremely limited free time. He rarely clubs it, and spends a lot of time with his kids too...so he really has a small margin of fucking around time, and most of that is usually spent with me ...so.
But.
He has yet to take me to his house. I dont even have his address y'all... His reason is that he moved into mom's house when he left his babymomma, and him and his brother are there while they get their degrees. It is a arrangement that they take care of mom's house cuz she is in out of the country, spends half her time in Fla.
His excuse is his brother will tell his momma he had a girl in the house, and his momma will KILL him dead. She is Jamaiacan and dont play when it comes to that isshh. Also, she apparently hates white people, but Choco said Im safe cuz Im Latin...whatever..
So. This bothers me to no end. My girls are waiting for the thumbs up to follow his ass home and see what the damn deal really is, but I dont like that lowdown type of ishh, thats too much work to verify if dude is giving me the real deal, I think I should be able to trust or cut loose.
So, back to my point. Time is money, and my bullshit budget was blown by BD. I got no time for it, and I think its starting to creep through in my dealings with Choco. He been getting too much of my attitude for both of us, but he does act shady which puts my guard up. Once my gurad is up my mouth opens and then the shit starts to fly out...I can cut a muthahuffa with my tongue...not exactly a talent, but...I am who I am. I still need refinement. Ima put that into the budget LOL.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Fuk' N StudyinOk Y'all...Im taking this to the next level....
I am going hard..or going home. Literally.
I am in a hotel room.
So I can study. With Choco.
STOP laughing....*smirk* yeah...hence the title..
I am up in here fresh of a Vicky's hush-hush shopping trip...new draws always help to keep my mind on studying...NOT. Lmao.
So yeah, make it or break it today...
Im here under the excuse of getting some uninterrupted studying done. You see, I have a 10 pg scholary community development paper due Tuesday 8am. No big right? Well...y'all know my distractability ( aka lack of ability to focus)
So, since Choco also has pressing items due in his classes...I decided 'we' needed proper solitde to study in...
BWAHAHAHAAAA....u KNOW I'm just trying facilitate gettin some..right??
We will see...Ima play professional and studious. Hopefully he will find the massage oil I brought and put it to good uses...and talk some sense to me, like *girl, put that computer down, come play with my laptop* Oh I will fight it...but yes, he will wear me down...*sigh* what ever shall I do...smirk.
Wait till he he gets here....
On a real note *cue the emotional drama music* .. We have never spent a night together. This will be really nice. Usually we have seen the sun come up, but due to our situations (BD still in residence, and he lives with his mom and brother until he finishes school) we have never had a 'sleepover' and woken up together....*getting nervous* But SO excited.
You know I'll let you know....
Thursday, October 11, 2007
No End in Sight...Im sitting here...in the library, with Choco...staring him directly in the face as he studies, while I'm studying..Him. Why should the fates be so mean as to bring us together when I am in my most vulnerable female state? I am officially off *happy time*, still studying my ass off, which ALWAYS means I get really, really horny knowing I could be getting some instead of doing this paper...and..AND, Im here with Choco!! This is soooo wrong on so many levels...I have fantasized for years about this opportunity, to be her upstairs in the library, WITH him...*sigh*, here we are, sitting at the same table, in a study room, yes A fucking ROOM, not just those little cubby holes, but an actual room...gawd, I must have been really, really bad in my past life. True, he called me and said come up and study with me, as I was somewhere else in the school tryna get ishh done, he called and offered to molest me in the dark corners of the library....and we both knew that was not gonna happen, and so I made him promise to behave. He has an exam, and I have to do this paper and we are both-er, well, he is on task. I ...am wondering why I turned up in comfy ass boring clothes ( cute swweat pants, runners, long-sleeve t, no makeup) and he...well he is fuckalicious. Wearing his favorite team jersey, reppin his cowboys, with a matching hat...not what I expected from someone who was up studying late last night, and up early today. Double damn. My goodies aren't even relatively suggested in this outfit. My daycare told me I look tired...
And so.
Is it wrong that I am sitting here blogging, daydreaming about the very thing/person that I have always wanted, in the situation I have fantasized about...and yet, I am unable to move past a professional, studious position...and take advantage of this fine, chocolate....lemme stop.
Why he keep glancing up at me?
Is he having the same kind of thoughts????
Should I move closer and go in for a piece...or stand my ground and let him work...
Lemme get just a taste...but you know from my last post, he is my drug, just one hit, and I want MORE...I can never really stop with him...I ..must...study....
Le sigh.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Who Says Sex Doesnt Solve Everything???
J/K... No really...
My world is ALL RIGHT after I get some..how 'bout you?
I know that I'm usually that much happier with said partner after the fact as well...
So, really, while sex may not solve exactly everything, it damn sure puts a nice big band-aid on stuff... and I really don't mind the temporary reprieve.
So, can I get some dammit?
Why do women have to endure what Choco calls *happy time* yes, he is being sarcastic..LoL.
Yeah it sucks ...that one week a month, where I ALWAYS seem to be insatiable... and totally sexually starved..lol
Through a discussion with a friend *you know who you are*, I have come to realize that to me, sex is a drug.
At least sex with Choco *Smirk*...
Can I get FIX???
*sidenote: Choco is code for chocolate cake...as in... I been havin my cake and eating it too!.. and yes he is as yummy as he sounds*
So, while gettin' some, may not write this paper I need to hand in tomorrow, it damn sure will cross off one distraction from my list. I always, ALWAYS want to get busy whenever I'm supposed to be working/doing homework.
Howboutchu?